Schoolyard Shenanigan Gifts

'Mom got our cells mixed up again.'

"Recess does things to a man."

"I was saying a silent prayer, but I must have dozed off and talked in my sleep."

The Charge of the Kids

'For show and tell today I've brought in the report cards of our teacher, which I downloaded!'

"Forget about eating homework, I need you to carry my backpack!"

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

"It was a professional hit..."

Shadow

"Ms. Thomas, you'll have to come pick up your son. He's swinging from the chandelier claiming that he can and will divide by zero."

Upon returning to school, none of the boys could help but notice how much Allison had developed over summer vacation.

'Well if you don't want to see me in here anymore, then tell the teachers to stop picking on my bad behaviour!'

And there goes the school window...

I know you are, but what am I? Huh? Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. I'm ready for the return of school. My mom says you're just jealous.

"Don't be fooled. He isn't a prince and he isn't you pal!"

Student to mother: 'What a day. The health teacher left school sick, the debate team got expelled for fighting, the biology teacher dissected the school mascot, and the glee club, in general, went berserk.'

'I got caught cribbing from Charley Jones' laptop!'

"You might fake an illness at home, but here, only a fever makes her a believer."

'Pillow fight!'

"They're fake, when I get to school I'm telling everyone that I have evolved."

'I keep getting leadership mixed up with incitement.'

A good school report at last...how much did it cost you?

'The exams were under water, below c!'

'She's a gifted child.'

'Oh, heavens no. I was merely speaking figuratively when I said that I wanted to break every bone in his body.'

"Is there anything I can do for extra credit, like give you money?"

"Did you hear? A bunch of girls went through our neighborhood last night shoe-polishing our cars."

'I want you to listen to me... I'm gonna say it just one time... I... did... not pull that Patty Willston's hair... it never happened!'

'No Billy! I am not ready to see you yet!'

'We had quite a fire drill at school today -- there was looting.'

"My strength is the strength of ten because I'm fourteen."

'What do you mean lining up in order of height is discrimination?'

"Boeing! - in my office, now!"

"Congratulations! You've won a lifetime supply of school supplies."

Schoolboy.