Schoolhouse Jester Gifts

'These days we worry more about power failures than teacher strikes.'

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'How am I going to get all this back in the tube?'

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

'How could I have missed these? I took a multivitamin.'

"First period music always leaves me with a tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day."

"No, I don't believe Michaelangelo ever did any bobbleheads."

"Aw, Miss! Why do you always pick on me to answer the questions?"

'I'm sorry, Sally, you can't buy a vowel.'

"Sorry, class, but because of new deregulations, I don't have to teach you anything this year."

'No, fear isn't one of the basic taste sensations.'

'If you haven't been taking your vitamins. What have you been doing with them?'

"Will this global warming mean we'll have longer summer vacations?"

I wasn't cheating...I was getting a second opinion.

Homeless man's sign: 'Sperm donor to the crowned heads of Europe.'

"So...what did you learn in school today, Baldo?"

Final Exams Today

'My teacher says if I made bad grades, I'm spending too much time in front of the TV. I say if I made good grades, I'm spending too much time at school.'

"Since I'm your favorite student, do I even have to take this test?"

Do I get extra credit for neatness?

"This looks cool, Mum, a university offering a degree course in Greed."

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

"It wasn't me jumping up and down and yelling in class. It was the sugar talking."

A teacher walks into a classroom full of chatting students; once he starts to talk the students fall asleep.

'I need ur homework ASAP!'

'No, Jacob. None of the classes this year require 3D glasses.'

"How do you feel about plea bargaining?"

'There was a lot of excitement at school today — the Student Council voted itself a pay raise.'

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'