School System Strategist Gifts

'I attended a lecture on Common Core educational standards. Most of the audience fell asleep...'

School. Report Card. You couldn't name the presidents and flunked history? Yeah -- It's not what you know, it's who you know.

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

"By reading my note, you acknowledge having read and agreed to my Privacy Policy and Terms of Use."

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

Will eat your homework for $.

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

'Can I hand in my report tomorrow. Ms. D'Amato? I haven't finished reading the book. I've been too busy coloring it.'

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"All right, what's it going to take to make this homework go away?"

'He's working on the great American requirements document.'

"We were running late, so my mom faxed me to school."

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

'That's the bell for round two.'

'You're being evacuated to a better catchment area.'

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'

'Stewart, why is the handwriting on your mom's last two attendance notes different?'

2000 words was tough, but doable. Billy would play the picture paints a 1000 words card, twice!

'I don't have a dog, but I do have a dog app that eats my homework.'

'I don't know what made Ms. Doan think I was running in the hall.'

"Mom, no more apples for teacher. It looks like bribery."

'So, you see, Dad, if we compare our overall school performance, I'm actually doing better than you did at my age.'

"I try to get a head start on them."

Kid sheltering from rain inside a vault box.

'No sir, we're not boarding a flight. My teacher just needs to check my homework in my my dog Sam here, if it wouldn't be too much trouble.'

"Homework is work, and work without breaks is a federal offense that can be reported to the labor board."

Soccer Moms

'Be advised the information herein may not be current and is subject to change. Past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results.'

Principal with 'budget cuts' in-tray and 'creative solutions' out-tray.

"If you need help with your homework ask your father...and he'll ask me."

'Obviously, the school board is giving an unfair advantage to gifted students.'