School Stories Fan Gifts

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

'Second grade. When did you discover 'LMNOP' wasn't one letter?'

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"Dad got your note threatening to fail me. Here's dad's attorney's note threatening to sue you."

'They've all tested positive for stress.'

"Math would have been a 'A' if you factor in the fudge factor. I got caught fudging on the final."

'Yep, I did eat his homework, but he begged me to.'

'You're under my supervision now, principal Hodgkins!'

'Sorry I'm late, miss. My alarm clock overslept.'

Teacher reading.

"We've unleashed your child's potential—this is as good as it's going to get."

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

'I do know the capital of France. It's the letter 'F'!'

'Don't trust people Billy, they'll only hurt you.'

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

'Before I begin today's lesson, please turn off your cell phones, beepers and ipods.'

"Who'd like to start today's show and tell?"

Teacher to parents: 'Ah - you're right. What do I know about kids? My biological clock went coo-coo years ago.'

'try moderation next time!'

'Continue to support sex education in the schools if you want to, but Billy just told me that he resulted when your sperm met my omelet.'

'I did have an eventful day at school, but nothing, in my opinion, to write home about.'

I WILL NOT COMMENT ON MS. STEMPEL'S WART

'Tonight there's a small, select meeting of the P.T.A - just you, me and the Head!'

'Report cards are coming out soon. If you're a gambler, take the under.'

'What are you eating?' 'Paste.'

You're being extradited to your parents.

"I stood up to the class bully like you said, Dad. . . then she punched me in the eye!"

Teacher to parent: 'He's been transferred from Detention to a Minimum Security Facility.'

'I'd like to run for class president but I'm afraid of the background check. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre school.'

Fairy Library - Giant Ogre in Seven League Boots Pursues Children

'We've had a total of twenty-seven dropouts this term. The total is thirty-two if you count the teachers.'