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'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

'Second grade. When did you discover 'LMNOP' wasn't one letter?'

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

'I told you we should have done the balloon toss.'

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"Dad got your note threatening to fail me. Here's dad's attorney's note threatening to sue you."

'They've all tested positive for stress.'

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

"Math would have been a 'A' if you factor in the fudge factor. I got caught fudging on the final."

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

'Sorry I'm late, miss. My alarm clock overslept.'

Winnie Hits Pooberty

Teacher reading.

"We've unleashed your child's potential—this is as good as it's going to get."

'You're under my supervision now, principal Hodgkins!'

'Yep, I did eat his homework, but he begged me to.'

'I did have an eventful day at school, but nothing, in my opinion, to write home about.'

My mom won't let me walk to school. I might get mugged. She won't let me play sports. I might get injured. West Fester High School. And she won't let me get onto the scales. Why not? It might hurt my self-esteem.

'I do know the capital of France. It's the letter 'F'!'

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

'Before I begin today's lesson, please turn off your cell phones, beepers and ipods.'

'Continue to support sex education in the schools if you want to, but Billy just told me that he resulted when your sperm met my omelet.'

'try moderation next time!'

'Don't trust people Billy, they'll only hurt you.'

"Who'd like to start today's show and tell?"

Teacher to parents: 'Ah - you're right. What do I know about kids? My biological clock went coo-coo years ago.'

I WILL NOT COMMENT ON MS. STEMPEL'S WART

You're being extradited to your parents.

'Report cards are coming out soon. If you're a gambler, take the under.'

'What are you eating?' 'Paste.'

'Tonight there's a small, select meeting of the P.T.A - just you, me and the Head!'

Teacher to parent: 'He's been transferred from Detention to a Minimum Security Facility.'

"I stood up to the class bully like you said, Dad. . . then she punched me in the eye!"

'I'd like to run for class president but I'm afraid of the background check. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre school.'