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"So you spilled your soda, big deal!"

'Second grade. When did you discover 'LMNOP' wasn't one letter?'

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

"Dad got your note threatening to fail me. Here's dad's attorney's note threatening to sue you."

'They've all tested positive for stress.'

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

'Sorry I'm late, miss. My alarm clock overslept.'

'You're under my supervision now, principal Hodgkins!'

'Yep, I did eat his homework, but he begged me to.'

Teacher reading.

'According to this book(The pied piper), the only thing you have to do is to play the pipe: The rats should then follow you...'

'I do know the capital of France. It's the letter 'F'!'

"Who'd like to start today's show and tell?"

'try moderation next time!'

'...by using lightning and the flesh of the undead. Luckily, he turned out to be a charming fellow and brilliant raconteur.'

'Before I begin today's lesson, please turn off your cell phones, beepers and ipods.'

'I did have an eventful day at school, but nothing, in my opinion, to write home about.'

'Continue to support sex education in the schools if you want to, but Billy just told me that he resulted when your sperm met my omelet.'

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

Teacher to parents: 'Ah - you're right. What do I know about kids? My biological clock went coo-coo years ago.'

Cow who jumped over the moon with a calf hanging of it's udders.

'Report cards are coming out soon. If you're a gambler, take the under.'

You're being extradited to your parents.

'It happens every night - just as you're trying to get some sleep,he starts fluttering about'.

'Tonight there's a small, select meeting of the P.T.A - just you, me and the Head!'

"I stood up to the class bully like you said, Dad. . . then she punched me in the eye!"