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'I did have an eventful day at school, but nothing, in my opinion, to write home about.'

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

'A dog ate my homework.'

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

'Second grade. When did you discover 'LMNOP' wasn't one letter?'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

I miss recess!

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

"Math would have been a 'A' if you factor in the fudge factor. I got caught fudging on the final."

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

'You might not know it now but I used to have some great lesson plans.'

"We've unleashed your child's potential—this is as good as it's going to get."

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

'Dad, the teacher said my grades remind her of old times. She says she was your teacher too.'

'Yep, I did eat his homework, but he begged me to.'

'When I was a student, wireless data transmission meant passing notes in class.'

'I understand the school has a policy of promoting from within, so I'd like to be considered for your job when you retire.'

"Can you believe it? Smiley kissed me! I was totally not expecting it. She's probably gonna blabber it to the whole school! If I'm lucky."

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

Teacher to parents: 'Ah - you're right. What do I know about kids? My biological clock went coo-coo years ago.'

"Who'd like to start today's show and tell?"

'I do know the capital of France. It's the letter 'F'!'