School Tale Appreciator T-Shirts

'The bus driver makes your stomach upset? Tell me about it ... he's my husband.'

'Second grade. When did you discover 'LMNOP' wasn't one letter?'

Nanki Poo

"But honey. . . he's just not our kind!"

Ali Baba- Cover Design for Proposed Edition of The Forty Thieves

Jack and the Beanie stock.

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

"Math would have been a 'A' if you factor in the fudge factor. I got caught fudging on the final."

Once upon a time and a half. William Tell shot an apple on his son's head. Plink! Nice shot, Dad! Plunk!

Alice Through the Looking Glass - The Walrus and Carpenter.

'Can we postpone this? I'm out of lighter fluid.'

'Yep, I did eat his homework, but he begged me to.'

William Tell (alternate)

Teacher to parents: 'Ah - you're right. What do I know about kids? My biological clock went coo-coo years ago.'

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

'I do know the capital of France. It's the letter 'F'!'

Tosca discovers Mario Cavaradossi is stabbed

Cutting Down Trees to Build the Ark

'Ready for your performance review?'

"Who'd like to start today's show and tell?"

'I did have an eventful day at school, but nothing, in my opinion, to write home about.'

I WILL NOT COMMENT ON MS. STEMPEL'S WART

'I don't think your taking this seriously boy.'

"If you kiss me I turn into a prince and if you lick him, well, you can’t really be hallucinating more than you are already."

'Tonight there's a small, select meeting of the P.T.A - just you, me and the Head!'

REmember, no cracks about "only the good die young" around Methuselah.

We just want to be a real boy! Pinocchio. Ikea. Swedish Folktale.

'Actually I was hoping to meet a knight in shining armour!'

"I stood up to the class bully like you said, Dad. . . then she punched me in the eye!"

Teacher to parent: 'He's been transferred from Detention to a Minimum Security Facility.'

"Nora, do you ever think about the future?"

'Give up smoking? Why?'

'I won the garlic eating competition.'

"So you spilled your soda, big deal!"

Trilby - 'Et maintenant dors, ma mignonne!'