School Report Skeptic Gifts

"Mom, don't believe it. It's Fake News."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

Parent Involvement Tip #1

Personnel. Now, I want you to forget everything you learned in school. I'm way ahead of you!

"Getting good grades isn't enough, son. You also need to bring in new clients."

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

'I'd rather we don't mention this in the annual report.'

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

'Ms. Peters, hold all calls. I'm busy implementing yet another hastily conceived and unproven education innovation.'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

'I don't want to make you feel bad, but I got four stars.'

"Enjoy my first day at school? You mean there'll be others?"

What's your stupid opinion on the following...

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

"You didn't fill out our customer survey."

"I've torn up the questionnaire but am using the lovely pen you sent me"

"My teacher says I lack 'intellectual curiosity,' whatever that is."

Quiz Today. I don't remember clicking of any terms of agreement that cover this!

'This is just my part in the growing crisis in education.'

"Call me when you get some current stuff."

"Before you head back to the future, we'd like you to fill out this survey to help us improve our era."

Unfortunately of the 78% of people who completed more than 56% of the survey 98% thought it was a complete waste of time

'The streets of Dodge City fell eerily quiet as the market researchers strode into town.'

Fish "I hate going back to school"