Study Skeptic Gifts

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

Alternative Medicine

"God works in mysterious ways."

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

Coincidence or What?

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

'I'd rather we don't mention this in the annual report.'

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"I totally meant to do that."

"Dad, this survey says too much study is bad for you..."

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

"Huh! Never a miracle vaccine when you want one - then three come along at the same time - bloody typical!"

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

GOP presidental candidates on science!: 'Billions for astrollogers! Zero for astronomers!' s