Statistics Skeptic Gifts

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

Remember, statistics are in the eye of the manipulator.

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

"Dad, this survey says too much study is bad for you..."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'One out of two doctors recommends this prescription.'

Risk Analysis: ".037%"

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

Alternative Medicine

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

Coincidence or What?

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

'Don't hide behind sales figures, Bill. We both know terminating me is philosophically unsound.'

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

'...and as a consequence, you lot all redundant. I'm not making it up.'

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

'Our crime figures are down!'

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"I totally meant to do that."

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

'It's just a conspiracy by scientists to get funding.'