Numerical Skeptic Gifts

'That 'multiplication table' seems contrived to me!'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

Coincidence or What?

'Don't hide behind sales figures, Bill. We both know terminating me is philosophically unsound.'

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

Weight Gain Denial

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

'It may look that way... But actually, I'm an atheist

"Nothing is as it seems, my son."

"Dad, this survey says too much study is bad for you..."

"and what are you giving up for lent, Reverend?" "Religion"

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

'Do I ever wonder about a higher power? No, I wonder what's on TV.'

Doing Something About the Weather

"Huh! Never a miracle vaccine when you want one - then three come along at the same time - bloody typical!"