Number Skeptic Gifts

"I can give you a 93.4% assurance that there is less than a 65.6% possibility that this excercise will simply generate 34.8% more meaningless statistics."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

But under a different accounting convention ...

Warning: Math Ahead!

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

Reign Man

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

Weight Gain Denial

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

Target setting: 'What about 38%, we haven't used 38% for a while.'

"Dad, this survey says too much study is bad for you..."

'You're not just a number to me, Abercrombie -- you're an irrational number!'

"I wouldn't have to go on a diet if we hadn't gone metric."

57th Birthday balloons

Please seat to be weighted.

Woman and scales.

Remember, statistics are in the eye of the manipulator.

'Your weight second opinion.'

"Ever since he saw the new budget he's been obsessing over the numbers."

Cats are not as intelligent as you think.

'Miss Soule, I'm curious. How many numbers were there when you were my age?'

'LIAR!'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

Before it even began this would become one of the longest trials on record.