Math Skeptics Gifts

"What did you get in your big history test?"

"Welcome to the future"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

Alternative Medicine

'What's most depressing is the realization that everything we believe will be disproved in a few years.'

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

"I removed the AI software from your computer and I can see now that you're a blithering idiot."

Celebrity Phrenologist.

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"That's what I get for using artificial intelligence."

'Don't hide behind sales figures, Bill. We both know terminating me is philosophically unsound.'

'Math isn't really my long suit, Mrs. Ferguson -- how about I just take a drug test?'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

"For a list of the ways artificial intelligence is killing your job, please press one."

"Eventually the leaders of every religion say 'We spoke to God and he wants you to give us money.' ...Every. Single. One."

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

AI Threat to Democracy

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

"I totally meant to do that."

"Dad, this survey says too much study is bad for you..."

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

"I know you're wrong, I just can't get the computer to say it yet."

"Huh! Never a miracle vaccine when you want one - then three come along at the same time - bloody typical!"

'It's just a conspiracy by scientists to get funding.'

"And the weird shall inherit the Earth, for their ways are difficult for A.I. algorithms to figure out."