School Mischief Enthusiast Gifts

'We had quite a fire drill at school today -- there was looting.'

Only a penny! A sensible and ingenious toy for children.

The Queen of Static Electricity: 'Hey, Jeffrey...I've got a physics question for you...The queen of static electricity is exempt! Hail me!!'

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's pimping the wall!'

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of a sugar buzz.'

'Casey laughed so hard at lunch milk came out his nose...or as we say now... he had a liquid food malfunction.'

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

'For show and tell today I've brought in the report cards of our teacher, which I downloaded!'

"Forget about eating homework, I need you to carry my backpack!"

'I don't want to hear your problems, Hawkins---take your troubles five doors down, to our for-crying-out-loud! department'

'Okay, let me see your hands, your feet, and that wily prehensile tail...'

"Very impressive. . . internet troll."

"It's a note from Eddie's teacher. It seems he's stretched his imagination past the end of her rope."

'Well if you don't want to see me in here anymore, then tell the teachers to stop picking on my bad behaviour!'

Never declare a food fight on artichoke day!

'Aah! I've caught you Dobson - making love to my wife during working hours!'

'It's great to be a ventriloquist. I find that I can still talk in class, but I don't get in trouble.'

"Just think, in dog years we'd be old enough to know better!"

Student to mother: 'What a day. The health teacher left school sick, the debate team got expelled for fighting, the biology teacher dissected the school mascot, and the glee club, in general, went berserk.'

"Don't be fooled. He isn't a prince and he isn't you pal!"

Why is your two-year old so quiet?

'Grandma says she has the perfect wrestler nickname for me. What does Tiny Terror mean?'

Paul Revere circa 3rd grade.

Urine sample

"They're fake, when I get to school I'm telling everyone that I have evolved."

'I keep getting leadership mixed up with incitement.'

'I just got off the phone with your teacher. Next time you tell her you're from a 'broken home' don't forget to mention who broke most of it!'

"It didn't work -- My imaginary playmate refused to take the rap."

'Oh, heavens no. I was merely speaking figuratively when I said that I wanted to break every bone in his body.'

'Hey, Mom! -- You want to hear a dirty story?'

"How long do you think I could get detention for doing this?"

"Before I read my 'What I did over the weekend' report, I'd like you to sign this agreement granting me full immunity from any acts I may have allegedly committed."