School Critics Gifts

'I got a detention for not wearing exactly the right uniform for my 'encouraging diversity' lessons.'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"One can be against entitlements, and still feel a sense of entitlement."

"I don't mind them counting the days 'til school's out, but I wish they wouldn't do it on their fingers."

'Oh no! The sharp elbowed middle class!'

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

'My father says, these intelligence tests are biased towards the intelligent.'

"They make us learn reading, writing, and arithmetic to prepare us for a world of videotapes, computer terminals and calculators."

'Remind me again, Dad. Why did you want me to get that college degree?'

Cover Design for the Savoy (No. 7)- the Eternal Problem of Youth and Pedantry

'Going to school is NOT an abusive relationship!'

'Ms. Peters, hold all calls. I'm busy implementing yet another hastily conceived and unproven education innovation.'

"What did I learn in school today...I learned I don't like school!"

"I won't do the 'What I did on my summer vacation' assignment. I consider it a privacy issue."

'I used to have serfs, but I've found that free-range peasants are more efficient.'

"O.K., here I am in the fourth grade, but is that really what I want to be doing with my life?"

"Why do I have to work hard at school? I can buy a degree on the internet!"

Cutting Room Floor

'Dad said that experience is the best teacher, so I cut school and went to the video arcade.'

Remembering the words of his 8th grade Algebra teacher, Moose bought his old middle school and made a mockery out of it.

"I don't want your teacher to think a kid with grades this bad....could possibly have a father who could read or write."

'This is just my part in the growing crisis in education.'

'If we could just get rid of a few of these lecturers and students, we'd have a great university on our hands.'

'I want to open a joint account with the riches man in town. . .'

"I like our history teacher, but he talks too much about the past."

"I see you graduated Summa Cum Laude, but then didn't your whole graduating class."

David Cameron Parenting Classes: 'After registering them for Eton the next most important thing is selecting the right nanny!'

'I would probably do a lot better if you would just teach me stuff I already know.'