School Critique Gifts

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

"I've been trying for days, but I can't get hold of the Superintendent for Accountability."

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

Herman Mankiewicz

Reading my Critics

Lesser known greek gods,

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

'You are doing it wrong.'

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

Sculptor's chippings

"One can be against entitlements, and still feel a sense of entitlement."

Suggestions and Cheap Shots.

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

Art Critics.

Bernard Levin

"To me..It says Art Council crap regional funding"

'Typical phallic egocentrism!'

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

"Now on view: Old paintings by dead white men through whenever…"

"Well, once you get your PhD on 'The Return of the Repressed in Early Jacobean Drama', then we;ll discuss how disappointed you are."