School Critique Gifts

"I've been trying for days, but I can't get hold of the Superintendent for Accountability."

Herman Mankiewicz

Reading my Critics

Lesser known greek gods,

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

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'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

'You are doing it wrong.'

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

Suggestions and Cheap Shots.

Sculptor's chippings

"One can be against entitlements, and still feel a sense of entitlement."

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

Art Critics.

"Well, once you get your PhD on 'The Return of the Repressed in Early Jacobean Drama', then we;ll discuss how disappointed you are."

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

'Typical phallic egocentrism!'

"To me..It says Art Council crap regional funding"

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"Now on view: Old paintings by dead white men through whenever…"

"Right here is where you lost the narrative flow."

"It's taken her years to develop that naive, spontaneous, style."