Class Critique Gifts

"They never find any lice but it does establish the social order"

Herman Mankiewicz

Reading my Critics

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

Suggestions and Cheap Shots.

Sculptor's chippings

"One can be against entitlements, and still feel a sense of entitlement."

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

Art Critics.

'Typical phallic egocentrism!'

"Well, once you get your PhD on 'The Return of the Repressed in Early Jacobean Drama', then we;ll discuss how disappointed you are."

The blue-collar diner for white-collar people...

'Oh no! The sharp elbowed middle class!'

Disparate housewives.

"It's taken her years to develop that naive, spontaneous, style."

"It's too academic."

"A restaurant critic! I hope she doesn't make this place sound too good."

"I think it would look nicer in red."

"But is it art?"

"I won't do the 'What I did on my summer vacation' assignment. I consider it a privacy issue."