Classroom Critics Gifts

"I learned some interesting things in school today. I read the graffiti on my desk."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"One can be against entitlements, and still feel a sense of entitlement."

"So basically you're telling us that you make the youngest of your species sit in a room for twelves years and that is an education. . . you're kidding, right?"

'Oh no! The sharp elbowed middle class!'

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

Uni. Snowflake Library

"I won't do the 'What I did on my summer vacation' assignment. I consider it a privacy issue."

'Take this back to the committee. Since this is a school I would like the mission statement to mention education.'

'I used to have serfs, but I've found that free-range peasants are more efficient.'

'Today I have dumbed-down philosophy, followed by dumbed-down chemistry and dumbed-down English lit.'

"For the next few hours, I'll be bringing you info with no tainment."

"I don't want your teacher to think a kid with grades this bad....could possibly have a father who could read or write."

Phrenology head filled with National Curriculum instead of real knowledge.

"O.K., here I am in the fourth grade, but is that really what I want to be doing with my life?"

Teachers Lounge. That's funny -- I was sure the "No Child Left Behind" act would cover field trips.

"There's also a link to my manifesto in the notes section—www.freewilioz.org, articles four and five, respectively."

"Our curriculum focusses less on rote memorization and more on putzing around."

Teacher Shortage/Brain Shortage

'I want to open a joint account with the riches man in town. . .'

"Call me when you get some current stuff."

David Cameron Parenting Classes: 'After registering them for Eton the next most important thing is selecting the right nanny!'

"I like our history teacher, but he talks too much about the past."

'I would probably do a lot better if you would just teach me stuff I already know.'

"When do you teach us how to become motivated?"

"If we're learning about multitasking, why does she need our 'undivided attention?'"

'Those poor grades are due to a lack of data driven evidence based curriculum in the classroom.'

For Those Who Don't Feel That Driving School Is Quite Enough, There's...Driver's University