Class Critic Gifts

'I used to have serfs, but I've found that free-range peasants are more efficient.'

"Do you think the people at the higher rooftop bar are having more fun?"

"Oh for goodness sake grow up Gerald. You know that just encourages them"

'He was a grateful man...just not in a good way.'

'I want to open a joint account with the riches man in town. . .'

'It's not fair! I'm socially excluded from gang culture.'

"One can be against entitlements, and still feel a sense of entitlement."

"Since hiking the student fees we have noticed we're getting a slightly less varied intake!"

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

The new Physics

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

Constructive Criticism 50c.