Classroom Critic Gifts

Critical Thinking....

'A focus group of classmates, that I assembled, think you can't teach.'

Praise better than scolding: 'Having set the school on fire, well done for calling the fire brigade.'

"O.K., here I am in the fourth grade, but is that really what I want to be doing with my life?"

'What about 'cronyism'?'

"Our teacher isn't as user-friendly as our computers."

"I like our history teacher, but he talks too much about the past."

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

Toy Shops and Educated Children

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

'Thank you for the apple Conrad. But in answer to your question, no, you may not address me as 'Boopsie'.'

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"One can be against entitlements, and still feel a sense of entitlement."

"So basically you're telling us that you make the youngest of your species sit in a room for twelves years and that is an education. . . you're kidding, right?"

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

Global Education

'My father says, these intelligence tests are biased towards the intelligent.'

"They make us learn reading, writing, and arithmetic to prepare us for a world of videotapes, computer terminals and calculators."

'Remind me again, Dad. Why did you want me to get that college degree?'

Cover Design for the Savoy (No. 7)- the Eternal Problem of Youth and Pedantry

Uni. Snowflake Library

'Going to school is NOT an abusive relationship!'

Beginning of the school year

"I won't do the 'What I did on my summer vacation' assignment. I consider it a privacy issue."

"What did I learn in school today...I learned I don't like school!"

'Take this back to the committee. Since this is a school I would like the mission statement to mention education.'

'I used to have serfs, but I've found that free-range peasants are more efficient.'