Public School Critic Gifts

The Illusion of School Choice

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"One can be against entitlements, and still feel a sense of entitlement."

"I don't mind them counting the days 'til school's out, but I wish they wouldn't do it on their fingers."

'I'm NOT trying to break in and change my grades. I'm only trying to change the school lunch menu.'

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

'My father says, these intelligence tests are biased towards the intelligent.'

'Remind me again, Dad. Why did you want me to get that college degree?'

"They make us learn reading, writing, and arithmetic to prepare us for a world of videotapes, computer terminals and calculators."

Cover Design for the Savoy (No. 7)- the Eternal Problem of Youth and Pedantry

'Going to school is NOT an abusive relationship!'

'Ms. Peters, hold all calls. I'm busy implementing yet another hastily conceived and unproven education innovation.'

"I won't do the 'What I did on my summer vacation' assignment. I consider it a privacy issue."

"What did I learn in school today...I learned I don't like school!"

'I used to have serfs, but I've found that free-range peasants are more efficient.'

Cutting Room Floor

'Dad said that experience is the best teacher, so I cut school and went to the video arcade.'

"I don't want your teacher to think a kid with grades this bad....could possibly have a father who could read or write."

"O.K., here I am in the fourth grade, but is that really what I want to be doing with my life?"

"Why do I have to work hard at school? I can buy a degree on the internet!"

"The Feds have authorized me to leave your child behind."

'We need to make cuts...shall we start with the heart?'

'This is just my part in the growing crisis in education.'

Vouchers, Vouchers, Vouchers

"I like our history teacher, but he talks too much about the past."

'I want to open a joint account with the riches man in town. . .'

"I see you graduated Summa Cum Laude, but then didn't your whole graduating class."

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

'I would probably do a lot better if you would just teach me stuff I already know.'

Standardized Testing