Educational Critic Gifts

'And remember, your success will be measured by how much you donate to the university's alumni fund.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"I don't mind them counting the days 'til school's out, but I wish they wouldn't do it on their fingers."

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

'My father says, these intelligence tests are biased towards the intelligent.'

"They make us learn reading, writing, and arithmetic to prepare us for a world of videotapes, computer terminals and calculators."

'Remind me again, Dad. Why did you want me to get that college degree?'

Cover Design for the Savoy (No. 7)- the Eternal Problem of Youth and Pedantry

'Going to school is NOT an abusive relationship!'

"I won't do the 'What I did on my summer vacation' assignment. I consider it a privacy issue."

"What did I learn in school today...I learned I don't like school!"

Graduation at the executioner's school

'Dad said that experience is the best teacher, so I cut school and went to the video arcade.'

Remembering the words of his 8th grade Algebra teacher, Moose bought his old middle school and made a mockery out of it.

Cutting Room Floor

"O.K., here I am in the fourth grade, but is that really what I want to be doing with my life?"

"I don't want your teacher to think a kid with grades this bad....could possibly have a father who could read or write."

"Why do I have to work hard at school? I can buy a degree on the internet!"

"The Feds have authorized me to leave your child behind."

"Your order is confirmed and your credit card has been charged. You have purchased one small liberal-arts college in New England. Thank you for your order."

'They're not the exam results, headmaster. They're the truancy figures.'

'He has an MBA from Wharton.'

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid your son just isn't very smart."

"I like our history teacher, but he talks too much about the past."

"I see you graduated Summa Cum Laude, but then didn't your whole graduating class."

'If we could just get rid of a few of these lecturers and students, we'd have a great university on our hands.'

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

'Here's my report Dad. I got an A, an S, a B and an O.'

'I would probably do a lot better if you would just teach me stuff I already know.'