Education Critique Gifts

'If we could just get rid of a few of these lecturers and students, we'd have a great university on our hands.'

Remembering the words of his 8th grade Algebra teacher, Moose bought his old middle school and made a mockery out of it.

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

Toy Shops and Educated Children

Personnel. Now, I want you to forget everything you learned in school. I'm way ahead of you!

"I don't mind them counting the days 'til school's out, but I wish they wouldn't do it on their fingers."

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

'My father says, these intelligence tests are biased towards the intelligent.'

'Remind me again, Dad. Why did you want me to get that college degree?'

"They make us learn reading, writing, and arithmetic to prepare us for a world of videotapes, computer terminals and calculators."

Cover Design for the Savoy (No. 7)- the Eternal Problem of Youth and Pedantry

'Going to school is NOT an abusive relationship!'

"What did I learn in school today...I learned I don't like school!"

"Why do I have to work hard at school? I can buy a degree on the internet!"

Graduation at the executioner's school

Cutting Room Floor

'Dad said that experience is the best teacher, so I cut school and went to the video arcade.'

"The Feds have authorized me to leave your child behind."

'He has an MBA from Wharton.'

"I see you graduated Summa Cum Laude, but then didn't your whole graduating class."

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

The Yorkshire schoolmaster at the Saracen's Head

'Those are just to hide the cracks in the wall.'

"The last person you should be listening to regarding school reopening....

GET YOUR G. E. D. 50 CENTS

I hate to do this but you know the high costs of college.

'My dad says school is a waste of time and that as long as I'm fast, I'll succeed...'

No Readmittance

"I've been trying for days, but I can't get hold of the Superintendent for Accountability."

'How will THIS ever apply to my real life?'

'If you're rich enough to send me to a fancy, private college, why do I have to go?'

"Yes, you are speaking to university admissions!"

Welcome to University of Lowered Expectations...formerly: College of Hard Knocks.