School Policy Critic Gifts

'My teachers have offered to cover the fine as long as you take me out of school.'

'You don't think you were a bit harsh on that school?'

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"I don't mind them counting the days 'til school's out, but I wish they wouldn't do it on their fingers."

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

'My father says, these intelligence tests are biased towards the intelligent.'

'Remind me again, Dad. Why did you want me to get that college degree?'

"They make us learn reading, writing, and arithmetic to prepare us for a world of videotapes, computer terminals and calculators."

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

Cover Design for the Savoy (No. 7)- the Eternal Problem of Youth and Pedantry

"Sorry, class, but because of new deregulations, I don't have to teach you anything this year."

'Going to school is NOT an abusive relationship!'

'Ms. Peters, hold all calls. I'm busy implementing yet another hastily conceived and unproven education innovation.'

"I won't do the 'What I did on my summer vacation' assignment. I consider it a privacy issue."

"What did I learn in school today...I learned I don't like school!"

'A hidden cost of implementing common core standards in education...'

'Take this back to the committee. Since this is a school I would like the mission statement to mention education.'

"I don't want your teacher to think a kid with grades this bad....could possibly have a father who could read or write."

Cutting Room Floor

"Why do I have to work hard at school? I can buy a degree on the internet!"

'We do not permit bullying or name calling in our school. We will reprimand any student that calls your child a dummy.'

'Dad said that experience is the best teacher, so I cut school and went to the video arcade.'

"The Feds have authorized me to leave your child behind."

"That's the parents' section."

'This is just my part in the growing crisis in education.'

"I see you graduated Summa Cum Laude, but then didn't your whole graduating class."

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

'I would probably do a lot better if you would just teach me stuff I already know.'

'Can we 'dumb it down' a bit, Mrs. Whipplemore?'

Standardized Testing

"Let's see...I believe a computer will be available for your class six weeks from Friday between ten and eleven in the morning."