School Policy Commentator Gifts

'You have it easy. When I went to school, we never had a day off for metal detector maintenance.'

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

Educators push back against politically motivated school opening proposals."

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, I'm safe from math, English, history, and science."

"First period music always leaves me with a tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day."

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

"I'm holding George back this year because he's failed to forge a personal style."

'My father says, these intelligence tests are biased towards the intelligent.'

'Remind me again, Dad. Why did you want me to get that college degree?'

"They make us learn reading, writing, and arithmetic to prepare us for a world of videotapes, computer terminals and calculators."

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

Cover Design for the Savoy (No. 7)- the Eternal Problem of Youth and Pedantry

"Sorry, class, but because of new deregulations, I don't have to teach you anything this year."

"Implications of Reaganism."

'Going to school is NOT an abusive relationship!'

"What did I learn in school today...I learned I don't like school!"

'A hidden cost of implementing common core standards in education...'

'Take this back to the committee. Since this is a school I would like the mission statement to mention education.'

Cutting Room Floor

Federally Guidelined

"Why do I have to work hard at school? I can buy a degree on the internet!"

"Now that we have ESSA, does that mean we can start leaving children behind again?"

'Dad said that experience is the best teacher, so I cut school and went to the video arcade.'

'We do not permit bullying or name calling in our school. We will reprimand any student that calls your child a dummy.'

"The Feds have authorized me to leave your child behind."

"Your order is confirmed and your credit card has been charged. You have purchased one small liberal-arts college in New England. Thank you for your order."

'They're not the exam results, headmaster. They're the truancy figures.'

"All I know is this sounds like the kind of thing that could get a political appointee in trouble."

"Sometimes I wish I went to a magnet school."

"That's the parents' section."

'No Billy! I am not ready to see you yet!'

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid your son just isn't very smart."

"I see you graduated Summa Cum Laude, but then didn't your whole graduating class."