Education Commentator Gifts

"Your order is confirmed and your credit card has been charged. You have purchased one small liberal-arts college in New England. Thank you for your order."

'Here's my report Dad. I got an A, an S, a B and an O.'

'The principal says her door is always open, until it slams shut when you're in there!'

'I want you to write a hundred times 'I'm not allowed to take knifes to school', got me?'

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid your son just isn't very smart."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'Cartoonist thinking'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

Sports Radio in Crisis

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

Tree of Public Opinion.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

Sir Patrick Moore.

And now, for a rebuttal.

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, I'm safe from math, English, history, and science."

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"I don't mind them counting the days 'til school's out, but I wish they wouldn't do it on their fingers."

The United States of Amazement

"Actually, we will replace you."

Chess on TV

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

"First period music always leaves me with a tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day."

"I'm holding George back this year because he's failed to forge a personal style."

"This is gonna be great!"

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

Sportscasters on the Savannah

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

'My father says, these intelligence tests are biased towards the intelligent.'