Education Commentator T-Shirts

"Your order is confirmed and your credit card has been charged. You have purchased one small liberal-arts college in New England. Thank you for your order."

'Here's my report Dad. I got an A, an S, a B and an O.'

'The principal says her door is always open, until it slams shut when you're in there!'

'I want you to write a hundred times 'I'm not allowed to take knifes to school', got me?'

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid your son just isn't very smart."

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'Cartoonist thinking'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

Tree of Public Opinion.

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

And now, for a rebuttal.

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, I'm safe from math, English, history, and science."

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"I don't mind them counting the days 'til school's out, but I wish they wouldn't do it on their fingers."

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

Chess on TV

"First period music always leaves me with a tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day."

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

"Actually, we will replace you."

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

"I'm holding George back this year because he's failed to forge a personal style."

The United States of Amazement

"This is gonna be great!"

Sportscasters on the Savannah

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

'My father says, these intelligence tests are biased towards the intelligent.'

"They make us learn reading, writing, and arithmetic to prepare us for a world of videotapes, computer terminals and calculators."

'Remind me again, Dad. Why did you want me to get that college degree?'

Cover Design for the Savoy (No. 7)- the Eternal Problem of Youth and Pedantry

Americans have been in denial about the cause of mass shootings for a while but it's time to get serious about door control.