Educational Commentator Gifts

"After 20 years of schooling, you're skilled at just one thing, taking tests"

'They're not the exam results, headmaster. They're the truancy figures.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

'We built this city on Rock 'n' Roll, yeah baby. Is not an accurate assessment of our town's history.'

'Cartoonist thinking'

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

Sports Radio in Crisis

Sir Patrick Moore.

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

Tree of Public Opinion.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

And now, for a rebuttal.

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, I'm safe from math, English, history, and science."

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"I try to keep my classes relevant."

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

"Actually, we will replace you."

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

Chess on TV

"I'm holding George back this year because he's failed to forge a personal style."

The United States of Amazement

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

"This is gonna be great!"

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"