Scholarship Chaser Gifts

Hey, Twig! Why so blue? Everyone's into awesome stuff this summer. Math camps. Leadership programs. Studies abroad. A bunch of resume padders. Yeah, They're grinds. What about you? Nothing special. Just volunteering. Where? At a rain forest project in Costa Rica. That's look so lame on your college application.

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Continuing education.

'Another football scholarship offer?'

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

Bribes for Jabs

'I hear you got your increase.' - 'Yes, that proves my theory, if you whine enough, you get anything you want.'

'Parsloe, your desk is blocking the corporate food chain.'

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

"Remember when everyone told you this job would lead you nowhere? Well, you've arrived!"

Election slot machine. No matter the outcome, I always lose money.

'Nice work, kid. Looks like you might be ready to sit up at the big boys' table.'

Pinara fund

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

It's college orientation time. The brain cell is attending an elite academic university, and the hormones and endorphins are going to party schools. The muscle cell earned an athletic scholarship. And it looks like the DNA molecule has already picked a major. The DNA has life planned out. It's chemically active down there. The individual atoms are excited, but also seem a bit sad. Of course! Going off to college is an emotional time for them. Old bonds are breaking and new ones are bein

Corporate Success

Morton's pride was understandable. He was the first in the Pinhead Family to ever graduate.

Scenes we'd most like to see...

"There is a medical use for marijuana. I sold it to pay my tuition at medical school."

'It's a private school. Can't say which one, it's private.'

Woman out on limb

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

"Last question. Where do you see yourself thirty seconds from now?"

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

Potter is going to go far, unless I manage to stop him.

'That's all there is in my college fund? That won't even buy the beer!'

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'

'Brilliant job, Rafferty. Advance two cubicles!'

Many certificates of achievement on the wall.