Scholarship Seeker Gifts

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'

'I'm sorry but we don't have athletic scholarships for video games.'

Part-time, Associate, Tenured.

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

And if you go for your Masters', we'll throw in your PH.D. at no extra charge.

Publish or Perish: 'Welcome to the Team. Remember, if you follow the University Motto, you'll do fine...'

NCAA Applications

Building has etched in stone above it: 'Education', 'Tradition', 'Financing'

'It's a private school. Can't say which one, it's private.'

Hoping to convince the university that he is worthy of a wrestling scholarship, Nick pins the director of admissions in 13 seconds.

Continuing education.

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

Teacher to students: 'A penny for your thoughts, but only if you're here on scholarship.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

'Another football scholarship offer?'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"There is a medical use for marijuana. I sold it to pay my tuition at medical school."

"Now that my last kid graduated I'm hoping to change my status from nonprofit."

Student Debt

'That's all there is in my college fund? That won't even buy the beer!'

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

'It's the only way I can afford this place.'

'Mo got a hardship grant to attend university.'

Gran'ma's Pies: 'We award scholarships every year for growing the largest pumpkins!'

"You have your whole lives ahead of you to wallow in debt..."

To get a college sports scholarship, Teddy's got to plan! Sports Camp. He should pick one sport, get a private coach and join a traveling team. Isn't that overkill? He's only in middle school. True. It might be too late. Teddy! We're switching to astrophysics camp!

Some hotshot education wonks visited our school today. That'll get everyone into Harvard. They were studying the secret of our success. Secret? Smart kids from families who care about learning are willing to pay for it. Even those edu-wonks couldn't screw it up! They didn't offer to actually teach.

"Just the, two recruiters from the college's awning leap team drove by."

Bribes for Jabs

"Being a post-doc for thirty years can really screw up your life."

Before getting a basketball scholarship, Jack worked at a pancake house.