Scholarship Seekers Gifts

Last Parent Trying To Get Child Into College

'True, the Ezra Yomp Scholarship is very generous, but you have to be a capricorn to apply.'

'Higher learning gets higher each year.'

Pinara fund

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Continuing education.

'Another football scholarship offer?'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

Before getting a basketball scholarship, Jack worked at a pancake house.

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

Scenes we'd most like to see...

"There is a medical use for marijuana. I sold it to pay my tuition at medical school."

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

Morton's pride was understandable. He was the first in the Pinhead Family to ever graduate.

'It's a private school. Can't say which one, it's private.'

'That's all there is in my college fund? That won't even buy the beer!'

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'

"Sorry, but you need at least a Masters to get into the Deep Woods."

'It's the only way I can afford this place.'

Student Debt

"Great. First our funding ran out, now the rat."

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

"Do you have this grant in a bigger size?"

1/2 Full Foundation: Optimists only need apply.

"Actually I'm doing this to stand out more in the scholarly community."

Roads Scholar

'Thank you, sir. NEXT, PLEASE!'

"Just the, two recruiters from the college's awning leap team drove by."

'I'm sorry but we don't have athletic scholarships for video games.'

And if you go for your Masters', we'll throw in your PH.D. at no extra charge.