Sports Scholarship Seeker Gifts

Today we'll practice the most important skill you'll learn this season. I hate passing drills. Maybe it's dribbling. Hold your cell phone like so. Focus in tight on your subject. Oh. Right. Making videos for college field hockey recruiters. Better angles equal higher scholarships.

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Continuing education.

'Another football scholarship offer?'

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

Bribes for Jabs

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

Before getting a basketball scholarship, Jack worked at a pancake house.

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

The Giamatti era

First Prize!

'Billy! Set your homework aside and get down here. There's another basketball recruiter here to see you.'

Baseball players and their qualifications.

It's college orientation time. The brain cell is attending an elite academic university, and the hormones and endorphins are going to party schools. The muscle cell earned an athletic scholarship. And it looks like the DNA molecule has already picked a major. The DNA has life planned out. It's chemically active down there. The individual atoms are excited, but also seem a bit sad. Of course! Going off to college is an emotional time for them. Old bonds are breaking and new ones are bein

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

Scenes we'd most like to see...

Pinara fund

"There is a medical use for marijuana. I sold it to pay my tuition at medical school."

Morton's pride was understandable. He was the first in the Pinhead Family to ever graduate.

'It's a private school. Can't say which one, it's private.'

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

'That's all there is in my college fund? That won't even buy the beer!'

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'

Student Debt

'It's the only way I can afford this place.'

'Ring around the rosey ...'

'You've never actually been on a tiger hunt...have you?'

'Don't ask me what play to call..I've only got a one year contract...you've got a four year scholarship...you decide what play to call.'

"Just the, two recruiters from the college's awning leap team drove by."