Scholarly Scribe Gifts

"It's publish or perish, and he hasn't published."

"Tests! That's one thing I don't like about the end of school. I can't believe it! You're not finished studying, either?"

I should be a writer when I grow up...

A boy is sat at a desk, with five plaques implying different qualifications he has earned from using social media.

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.

Monks sitting at a row of computers typing up old-fashioned looking manuscripts.

"Jose Rivera, who wrote the screenplay for 'The Motorcycle Diaries,' is the first Puerto Rican screenwriter to be nominated for an Oscar. He's known for incorporating his life experiences into his award-winning writing."

Alexander Pope

"Regarding your letter of next Monday ... "

"I'm not a food critic I'm a literary critic and I've found the prose on your menu to be second-rate."

Waiting Room For Godot.

'Niche apres tenure. Niche before and you're toast.'

"So basically, it's an autobiomeoirography!"

Computer literate Monk

'Are you sure this is the only way to get rid of your writers block?'

'It's the new directive from Brussels. We're to steal from everybody and give directly to the banks.'

Poking gentle fun at the company in the blog wasn't meant to include saying that the chief exec had a face like a baboons bottom.

'We have the ideas for product placement and now all we need is the script.'

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

"Johnson's our head of forecasting, he alos works part-time as a successful science fiction writer."

"Listen, you'll take another break after Deuteronomy and I'll make you some chicken noodle soup."

"I would take out the curse words, but otherwise I think it's fine."

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

No caption. (Rowers carry an oar in four briefcases).

'Hold the front page, Brother Cuthbert!'

Monk writing the scriptures on a roll

'Your story is extremely sexist, dubious and dumb, the characters are one-dimensional and primitive. In other words - you wrote a bestseller, mister!'

"He calls it the eBible."

'Precise, analytical and beautifully reasoned address. Now condense it down to a snappy sports metaphor.'