Scripture Scribe Gifts

'Hold the front page, Brother Cuthbert!'

"Listen, you'll take another break after Deuteronomy and I'll make you some chicken noodle soup."

Computer literate Monk

Monk writing the scriptures on a roll

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

'You just don't know when to stop, do you?'

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"It's publish or perish, and he hasn't published."

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.

"Wow! That's some PowerPoint presentation."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

Buzzfeed does The Bible: 10 commandments that will blow your mind.

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

Monks sitting at a row of computers typing up old-fashioned looking manuscripts.

"The amendments are coming next week!"

Moses comes down the mountain with the first silicon chip.

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."