Scripture Artist Gifts

A monk illuminating a book with quill pen

"Meet the scribe"

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

'You just don't know when to stop, do you?'

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"Wow! That's some PowerPoint presentation."

I'll be honest, Jerry - When you invited me to join your book club, this is not what I expected.

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

Buzzfeed does The Bible: 10 commandments that will blow your mind.

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

"The amendments are coming next week!"

'Oh, another thing, there'll be no more of this standing upright business, ok?'

Jesus wept

"And on the seventh day, God 'choked,' and all hell broke loose."

"For the last time Pharaoh, it's a plague, not global warming."

"A reading from the first letter of Paul to the Corinthians..."

"Maybe you're right. Maybe the multiple exclamation points come across as over excited and insincere."

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

Moses comes down the mountain with the first silicon chip.

"Are you sure you need to make a large print version available?"

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'

"Then the angel Gabriel said to Joseph in a dream.. 'Behold, the virgin shall be with child and bear a son, and they shall call Him Emmanuel." "I thought His name was Jesus!?".