Script Scribe Gifts

'We have the ideas for product placement and now all we need is the script.'

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

Waiting Room For Godot.

'Your story is extremely sexist, dubious and dumb, the characters are one-dimensional and primitive. In other words - you wrote a bestseller, mister!'

"Philosopical argument needs an elephant in the room. Can you handle it, sweetie?"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

Mensa Does Improv

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

The First Sentence Fragment: 'Hey, don't -'

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

Hollywood producer.

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'Hang on a minute...'

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""

Morgue - "Welcome to 'Celebrity Autopsy'"

"Don't forget the screenplay."

"The script is flimsy, the action scenes implausible and the plot would insult the intelligence of a three year old."

"That movie was very familiar...a cute little girl who hangs out with monsters from a secret world."

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

Eugene Ionesco