Script Scribe Gifts

'We have the ideas for product placement and now all we need is the script.'

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

Waiting Room For Godot.

'Your story is extremely sexist, dubious and dumb, the characters are one-dimensional and primitive. In other words - you wrote a bestseller, mister!'

"Jose Rivera, who wrote the screenplay for 'The Motorcycle Diaries,' is the first Puerto Rican screenwriter to be nominated for an Oscar. He's known for incorporating his life experiences into his award-winning writing."

"Philosopical argument needs an elephant in the room. Can you handle it, sweetie?"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

Mensa Does Improv

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

The First Sentence Fragment: 'Hey, don't -'

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

'Hang on a minute...'

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""

Hollywood producer.

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

Athens Playhouse. Euclid is rehearsing a play he wrote about lust, money and lies. Investment Sales Office. Don't be obtuse! Face each other from this angle! He's a tough director. It's surprising that Euclid, the father of geometry, wrote about passion, money and deceit. I thought so too, until I read the script. It's a story about a pyramid scheme and a love triangle!

Actor practising his indian war crys

"The studio's asked me to see if I can dumb down some Danielle Steel."

TV Situations vacant.