Scholar Scriptwriter Gifts

'Niche apres tenure. Niche before and you're toast.'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

William Shakespeare a.k.a. Francis Bacon, Earl of Essex....

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

"Can you believe you left your job and family to search for this key, and it was under here the whole time?"

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

Multi-Tasking

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

"Must be another paradigm shift."

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

A pretention of playwrights

"Have you been working out?"

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Mensa Does Improv

Wikipedia...

'Read that last part back to me.'

"It's publish or perish, and he hasn't published."

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'