Scholar Scriptwriter Pillows

'Niche apres tenure. Niche before and you're toast.'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Academic Jeopardy ... 'What Was the Maiden Name of Dante Alighieri's Maternal Grandmother?'

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

William Shakespeare a.k.a. Francis Bacon, Earl of Essex....

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

"Can you believe you left your job and family to search for this key, and it was under here the whole time?"

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

Multi-Tasking

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

"Have you been working out?"

"Must be another paradigm shift."

Mensa Does Improv

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

Wikipedia...

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

A pretention of playwrights

'Read that last part back to me.'

"It's publish or perish, and he hasn't published."

"Fifty years in academia, studying, researching, writing and teaching. And what do they call me? ‘The Human AI’."

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""