Satirical Sketch Enthusiast Gifts

'How do I know this won't go for booze?'

Devolution of the United Kingdom

"I'm afraid I'm patenting you."

'Whoever gets this job will have to take a lot of s**t from me and you look like you're just right for the job.'

Vaccine

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

"In the beginning, God created, like, 300 concept sketches..."

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

School of Art & Design. Looks like they're putting up an addition.

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'As you can see,we run a completely paperless office.'

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."

Militant Pacifists

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

Party-Crashing Ban

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

Lessons from the Blakely Art School (Now Defunct)

'Well, so much for our legendary ability to eviscerate cattle with surgical precision...'

"Cartoonist are harmless? Not at all!! These people have weapons!! Here, see for yourself!"

"You work for the family business, and I am your father, not the patriarchal oppressor..."

'Not only can I not find the middle class tax cut, I can't find the middle class.'

'This is a very dysfunctional company. No one will talk aboaut about the elephant in the boardroom!'

"Welcome aboard, Thompson. Brono here will lay out the itinerary."

"Alright, fire me. But I'm taking back your "World's Greatest Boss" coffee mug!"

"My parents just raised my home school tuition."

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

Multiple personalities with blogs.