Satirical Sketch Enthusiast Gifts

'How do I know this won't go for booze?'

Devolution of the United Kingdom

"I'm afraid I'm patenting you."

'Whoever gets this job will have to take a lot of s**t from me and you look like you're just right for the job.'

Vaccine

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

"In the beginning, God created, like, 300 concept sketches..."

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

'Not only can I not find the middle class tax cut, I can't find the middle class.'

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

'Well, so much for our legendary ability to eviscerate cattle with surgical precision...'

Militant Pacifists

"Cartoonist are harmless? Not at all!! These people have weapons!! Here, see for yourself!"

"You work for the family business, and I am your father, not the patriarchal oppressor..."

Lessons from the Blakely Art School (Now Defunct)

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'This is a very dysfunctional company. No one will talk aboaut about the elephant in the boardroom!'

"Welcome aboard, Thompson. Brono here will lay out the itinerary."

"My parents just raised my home school tuition."

"Alright, fire me. But I'm taking back your "World's Greatest Boss" coffee mug!"

Multiple personalities with blogs.

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

Before Art School. During Art School. After Art School

I knew we were in uncharted waters when our chickens started asking questions like these:

"He can't speak to you at the moment - he's bonding with his compensation package."