Satirical Sketch Buff Gifts

Hey Democrats, Here's What a Purity Test for Candidates Looks Like and What It Does Not

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

"I have no thumbs."

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"And then on ab day they roll on their backs, flail, and mimic us in the throes of death."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

Pope tarts.

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

Los Angeles' New Smart Meters

"How do you spell, asteroid?"

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

'Well, so much for our legendary ability to eviscerate cattle with surgical precision...'

Nice park. . .

PSYCHIATRIC CLINIC, 'You know what I dread? -- March madness!'

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"Welcome aboard, Thompson. Brono here will lay out the itinerary."

'Opponents of democracy, such as Chavez and Putin, want unlimited executive power and limits on the media.'

Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.

"... And who asked for your opinion, I'd like to know?!"

Why does every kid want the wallet size? School picture, early days.

"Clark Gable, Gary Cooper, Cary Grant -- they're all gone. But Marcus is still here."

Bob Odenkirk

"Let's touch base again at three."

Manhattan Woods

Museum of Mediocre Art.

"You always knew where you stood with him."

Autopsy Room / a banana autopsy room.

Mannequin protest

'So, I am all for Juncker!'

I believe there is something wrong with Tommy: He has perfect eyesight...

"Honestly, guys, my check is in the mail."

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

Gigolo Diary