Satirical-sista Gifts

'I have my faults but being wrong isn't one of them!'

Extinction of the dinosaurs fully explained

"Everybody gets a raise."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

'It's cheaper than gas.'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

Johnson allows the Delta variant to run wild in Britain

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

"It's not carrots but the love of carrots that's the root of all evil."

Failure is no an option: "I'd now like to speak on the topic of government bailouts!"

"The Treasury is fairly sure that the figures in the budget are correct, they might just not be in the right order!"

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

The breakup

"Do these puffy pants make me look less tyrannical?"

Let's tell the folks in the Garlic Belt there's no budget for steps 2 and 3.

Tarzan mobile phone

"Rumours of a crisis in the NHS are groundless...Spending is up by 2%, management ratios down by 62%..."

Office of the PR of the United States

'Marketing reports they're fooled all of the people all of the time.'

The Good Breathing Guide

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

"The militant hard-liners are making demands, the fanatical zealots are issuing threats, and the moderate centrists are offering suggestions."

'I might even change my views on genetics research if scientists could genetically engineer supreme court appointees!'

Ted Rall Hired by Pando. Thoughts?

Santa Elevator

'We need to change our marketing strategy.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'Sales are up 12% since we moved Recovery over here to the hospital gift shop.'

Hoody Woodpecker.

'Mom always told us to eat the greens!'

"Oh! I thought that was our party manifesto..."

"Papers late again, Murphy?"