Satirical Dining Observers Gifts

'May I caution that the term 'Happy meal' refers to the meal itself rather than to any effect it may have.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"No, no, your job's not going out of the country to some foreign bastard. We're just firing you."

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'Sometimes I think you're on a different planet.'

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

TV and man

"Die alone"

"Some other news, China declares war on Peru, ISIS blows up the pyramids and the pope resigns. Now back to more comments from David Bowie fans."

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

"Miss Winthrop, tell my callers that I'm busy with the World Bank."

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

"I'm going to use my tax cut to trickle down on you all."

A well-dressed panhandler holds a sign that reads "Will argue for food".

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Joy Behar?'

"Chicken 'Laissez-faire'?"

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

"Excuse me, have you seen a large gent with a red coat and face to match."

Planning Office - Acquired by Tesco

The Second-to-last Supper.