Satirical Believers Gifts

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And, lo, the Almighty's Horse, Lucille, bestowed upon the universe a sacred meadow muffin, which got hardened by the sun and became the earth.'

"Attendance is way up since they substituted fortune cookies for those funny little wafers."

"It was better before God took up knitting."

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

At the 2021 Religious Games

Generic Store: Sign in Window

Drive-thru Church

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

Cheap Labour Countries.

'Verily, Noah, the flood I am about to unleash is retribution for Tory defections to UKIP!'

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

'Still no money, but a lot more IOU's than usual!'

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

Self raising Lazarus.

"Never go to a church during a hurricane. They only provide shelter from taxes."

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

Priest walks by a religious book shelf and and a Satan book pops out to hit him on the head.

Holy water cooler moments

"After the Great Seagull Reincarnation, we'll spend eternity stealing sandwiches and defecating as we please."

The Do's and Don'ts of Sin.

Notice on back of bishop's gown - How's My Droving.

"Well, well, well! Your parents certainly messed up when they named you, didn't they, Angelo?"

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'

"I'm getting earthy overtones of guilt, with just a hint of sexual frustration."

'All right - which country in Europe are you from?'

'Scram! -- I don't endorse candidates!'

Benedict XVI Resigns.

'They've been relocated because hell is full.'

'How about bearing false witness for you neighbor?'