Humorous Believer Gifts

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

"Thanks, and you have a nice day too."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Do you think that's wise?'

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

Fishing with God

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

The Burning Bush: How God convinced Moses to Lead His people a.k.a. the origin of s'mores.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

'I'm sorry, but I can't let you on board unless there's a Mrs Bigfoot.'

Eucharist

"Looks like we're in trouble now...he's got four bars on that thing."

"I'm sick and tired of hearing about your operation, Adam!"

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

"This is Sweden, not Eden."

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

"Are we there yet?

Baby Bird

Veteran mistakes ironclad ship for Noah's Ark

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

'That sure was a disaster of a first date!'

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

'David, I want you tested for steroids.'

'In conclusion, it's more blessed to give than retrieve.'

Confession Ratings.

"No threesomes."

Vicar preaching at pulpit

"If it's all the same to you, I'll convert the text to lower-case and remove all the exclamation marks."