Humorous Believer Gifts

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

"Thanks, and you have a nice day too."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

'Do you think that's wise?'

Fishing with God

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

The Burning Bush: How God convinced Moses to Lead His people a.k.a. the origin of s'mores.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

"I'm sick and tired of hearing about your operation, Adam!"

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

"Looks like we're in trouble now...he's got four bars on that thing."

Eucharist

'I'm sorry, but I can't let you on board unless there's a Mrs Bigfoot.'

"This is Sweden, not Eden."

"Are we there yet?

Baby Bird

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

Veteran mistakes ironclad ship for Noah's Ark

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

'In conclusion, it's more blessed to give than retrieve.'

'That sure was a disaster of a first date!'

'David, I want you tested for steroids.'

". . . and now, the weather."

"No threesomes."

"If it's all the same to you, I'll convert the text to lower-case and remove all the exclamation marks."