Church Satirists Gifts

Benedict XVI Resigns.

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Drive-thru Church

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

The Last upper: Novus Ordo Style

Monk Prompt

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

How's my sermon. . .

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

'Even More Disciples'

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: Michelangelo's 'God's Creation of the Adam Computer.'

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

The Sleeping Congregation.

The ten ammendments

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

"...and in conclusion..."

How James and John became known as "Sons of Thunder".

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Bishops Snooker

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'