Church Sermon Satirists Gifts

First Church of 100% Donation Rate: Featuring Sermons That Name Names!'

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

Monk Prompt

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

How's my sermon. . .

"...and in conclusion..."

The ten ammendments

The Sleeping Congregation.

Bishops Snooker

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

'Even More Disciples'

How James and John became known as "Sons of Thunder".

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Applause

'Still no money, but a lot more IOU's than usual!'

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

'Great escapism, Reverend!'

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

Delivery of Sermon within 30 minutes or your second one's FREE!

Today's sermon: 'Do sin taxes violate the seperation of church & state?'

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

Excommunicate Me.

'I appreciate you enthusiasm...but please stop doing the Wave.'

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

'Well, for the sake of argument, just pretend you've done something wicked.'

"You have a divine right - and the left isn't bad either."

"Yo! You check the pH lately? I have sensitive eyes, ya know."

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'