Sermon Satire Gifts

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

Christian and Born again Christian...

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

How's my sermon. . .

'What makes you think I want a trophy wife?'

"...and in conclusion..."

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

The trap

Corporate Punishment.

Peace bomb.

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

Eucharist

"No it's fine, really. I'm just saying it's not very mysterious."

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

How's my Sermon . . .

'Still no money, but a lot more IOU's than usual!'

'It's good you called me when you did, Bill. Believe it or not, a little speed-bump like this can derail a perfectly good career if it isn't handled just right!'

"Do we wait for it to be approved as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as furniture polish?"

"It's the press. They want to know if you have anything to say about the sexual harassment charges being levied against you."

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

Pastor of Muppets

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

'In compliance with Federal full-disclosure laws, I'm required to tell you that I'm really not all that sure about some of this stuff.'

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

Man in church sees sign: Thank you for not yawning.

"I'm not hanging up until I find the person who listed my sermons under 'Double Dutch'"

"Is there anybody there?"

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

Angel learning to fly...

'Don't tell the Fuhrer I filled the war head with jellybabies, you know upset he gets.'

'Not now, Lord!'

Bingo Addicts...

"Thank you, but I don't feel it's necessary for you to play 'Charge' when I invite people to the altar."