Christian Satirists Gifts

Pool Rules: No Diving, No Splashing, No Walking on Water.

"The plunger makes it easier for the lord to rapture us."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

Giving Things Up For Lent.

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

How's my sermon. . .

Bishops Snooker

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: Michelangelo's 'God's Creation of the Adam Computer.'

The ten ammendments

Cheap Labour Countries.

'Verily, Noah, the flood I am about to unleash is retribution for Tory defections to UKIP!'

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

"'Host' and Cheese?"

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

'Still no money, but a lot more IOU's than usual!'

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

'Have you got anything for omnipotence?'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'