Christian Humorist Gifts

Giving Things Up For Lent.

"I'm leaving you and the kids to join the Promise Keepers."

Fishy Bumper Sticker

"Bible studies class? We're still writing it."

"You've only got twelve followers? You really need to look at your social networking optimisation!"

In their free time, the apostles often enjoyed rousing games of "Simon Peter Says".

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Pope tarts.

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

Monk Prompt

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

How's my sermon. . .

Sermon Applause.

Bishops Snooker

'Even More Disciples'

"...and in conclusion..."

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

The ten ammendments

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

The Sleeping Congregation.

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"That's my boy!"

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

Priest with the Pet Devil.

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

"Thou Shalt not Covid thy Neighbor's Wife!"

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'